The Seven Stages of Sex

I bet that title got your attention, right? I don't know if this true or not, but my sister-in-law claims that on a recent Oprah show Dr. Phil defined the seven stages (or kinds) of sex as follows:

1. The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
   
   
2. The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
   
   
3. The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
   
   
4. The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway, you both say "screw you."
   
   
5. The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.
   
   
6. The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your spouse any more. He/she takes you to court and screws you right in front of everyone.
   
   
7. And last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. You get a little each month, but not enough to live on.

My husband wondered why "Pity Sex" and "7-11 Sex" didn't make the list. (I'll leave it up to you to define those!)